Today I feel like Leslie Knope

I have just posted the following letter to my county council because the street lamps near my house are dreadful and always turn off. Plus that alley is super creepy.


Dear Sir or Madam,


I am writing to inform you that the street lamps in the wooded alley -between Gillibrand Primary School and the nursing home on Gillibrand north- are inadequate. Currently the majority of the lamps are functioning but as the cliche states one bad apple spoils the bunch. There are a few lamps, closest to the nursing home side of the path, with defective sensors. The issue is that the lamps remain at full luminosity until you’re within eight feet of them, then turn themselves off. Perhaps this is a programming error? This lack of light is particularly inconvenient on my way to the train station early in the morning and from evening onward.


Last Sunday I walked through the area in question. Ahead of me, approximately ten feet, was a young lady around the age of fifteen. As she walked further down the path the lights went out. Frightened by the sudden darkness she froze, turned around and noticed myself. Then the young lady started screaming as she ran out of the wooded area. Later, after I had exited the path, I heard the girl talking on her mobile. She was exclaiming her belief that I had intended to murder her- a fear brought on by the lack of light. If the alley was properly illuminated the young lady may have felt safer. Furthermore, in correct lighting I would have appeared a less imposing figure because (as my mother has frequently informed me) I am rather handsome.


The incident with the young lady was rectified: I explained that on that particular evening I lacked any murderous impulse but was instead (as evidenced by many bags) simply journeying home from the airport. We laughed at our circumstance and continued our merry ways.


Whilst this suitable anecdote evidences that the area is largely safe, the citizens of Chorley may feel more secure if their paths were correctly lighted. Now that we are reaching the winter months it is more vital than ever to ensure true illumination in the extended darkness.


Yours Faithfully,


Average Joe